5 Tips when going from an “us” to a “me”…the first few weeks
- Social Events
Avoid them at all costs! If you are freshly separated from your former “us” situation, aka marriage, the last place that you should find yourself is at a social function, like a wedding…less than one week after your marriage has dissolved, where you will be surrounded by happy couples, sappy music, speeches full of love, and tears of joy…..I understand that being surrounded by happy people is probably and most definitely what your friends and family are telling you to do in order to ‘stay positive’ and ‘non-suicidal’, but trust me when I say, no one likes to see the newly separated woman crying at the buffet table after polishing off a big bottle of white zinfandel the ‘newlyweds’ have provided each table.
- Filled With Memories Facebook
LOG OFF! If you are in the first few weeks of separation from your spouse, you may be feeling weepy, nostalgic, or perhaps filled with feelings of rage. You may be compelled to click-through album after album of memory filled photographs of you and your ex and your group of friends. This will greatly contribute to the weepiness & nostalgia of the good times. If you are at a stage of anger in your separation, you may be compelled to start making nasty posts on your ex’s wall or perhaps posting passive aggressive status updates which will only lead to your friends unfollowing you, and leaving you more angry and weepy.
- “Get up, Dress up, and Show up”
I read this quote somewhere and it said “Get up, Dress up, and Show up”. It is so important that no matter how awful you are most likely feeling that you take care of yourself during this difficult time. This means no yoga pants with a baggy shirt and hair piled on top of your head in a 90’s scrunchie. Whether you have a job you still have to go to each day, or children you are taking care of, remaining healthy and feeling good about yourself will benefit everyone, including you. Your children need to see that you are strong if not for yourself, then for them. I’ll add one more quote in here that really resonates with me, “fake it till you feel it”.
- Watch your Words
There may be nothing nice that you have to say about your ex, but trust me, saying it to the wrong parties can wreak havoc. Do not trash talk your ex to anyone who is willing listen. Not all who lend an ear are your friends. Save the trash talk for that one bosom buddy that you can trust, and save the rest to be written down on a paper you can tear up later. The ill feelings you may have right now will fade, but once you voice them, they can’t be taken back. I’m going to add in here, never talk bad about your ex in front of your children, even though I sincerely hope this is common sense for most of you.
- Screw Shop Local
I generally advocate shopping local unless you are going through a separation. I shopped in a different town for almost the first year after being separated. Was I ashamed that my marriage failed? No, and yes. You are in a delicate state, why put yourself in a situation where you will run in to every Tom, Dick and Harry that you know and have to explain your new relationship status? If you messed up and skipped out on tip#2 (see Filled with Memories Facebook), they most likely already know anyway. Save yourself the energy and go for a drive, get out-of-town once a week, and clear your mind.