When a marriage ends, it’s not just the end of the union between two people; it’s also the end of years of shared memories and experiences.
Once the dust has settled from a divorce or separation, there will be a stage of loss. For me, this didn’t happen until a year and a half after my separation. For the majority of people with whom I have either read about their story, or talked to, the feelings began immediately following the separation.
The loss that I was feeling was not just for the relationship itself, but I was also mourning the memories inside of it that only exist with a select few people. The entire group of friends that we shared was now no longer part of my life, witnesses to the relationship, and my life for the last seven years, and the first years of my children’s lives. People who had been there through my most major life changing moments.
I wouldn’t have thought two years ago that later down the road there would be a need to be able to turn to someone and say remember when? Followed by an unfamiliar feeling of sadness that there was no longer someone with that same memory shared in the room. I wouldn’t have thought that one could feel so lonely at times as a result from the loss of seven years of my life’s witnesses gone in what felt like an instant.
Making new memories and new traditions are crucial to breaking through this feeling of loss, and that is what got me through it. Take the time you need to grieve, just remember not to unpack and live there. Life goes on, and new memories are made every day; choose to live in the present so you don’t miss them.